Anna Eveliina Hänninen (age 35) is PhD student at Tampere University, Finland (sound and voice in journalism), saxophonist and a mother of three children.

Where does your story as a saxophone player begin?

I started playing the saxophone when I was 15. I had played the piano, but I had problems with my wrists and even bigger problems with my motivation. In that year at school our music class had the history of jazz music as a theme. We listened to a lot of jazz and I fell in love with the sound of the saxophone. I still felt myself more as a player of classical music than jazz. So I asked if I could change my instrument in the middle of the year at my music school. One month later I took my first saxophone lesson. Instantly I felt that I had found my sound. Or it felt more like an extension to my voice. My teacher was super! When I started playing the saxophone I thought I would be ‘too old’ to do anything else than play for my own amusement. But I was carried away, practiced a lot and soon found myself studying at upper secondary level for vocational education in music.

After that I managed to get in to study music pedagogy to become a saxophone teacher. But since I got a job opportunity at a classical music magazine and I had already studied journalism at the university and was a mom, I made a decision not to go for pedagogy studies. After that I considered music to be more of a hobby. I made a vow that even though I was not going to be a professional musician, I could do things where music is involved and that has happened. I feel I still have a strong identity as a saxophone player.

What would you say is your biggest achievement so far? What kind of shows do you usually play, and which have you enjoyed the most?

It is difficult to say if I have achieved a lot. Since I graduated from my music studies I haven’t earned too many euros by playing. I have played in orchestras with music students and in small projects, some weddings and so on.

I don’t know if these are achievements but I was part of some meaningful and funny moments: in 2003, I had the opportunity to play national anthems with a saxophone quintet at the FIFA U-17 World Cup in Helsinki. As a huge sports fan I found this really exciting. That tournament is the only time I’ve been standing on a World Cup field. I think I shook hands with FIFA president Sepp Blatter. Or perhaps it was some other important FIFA guy.

I would have so many stories to tell. This is one of my favourites: I was playing the baritone saxophone with a student orchestra a week before my second child was born. One of the pieces included a part where the saxophone section had to walk in the middle of the piece behind the stage to play and then walk back. I guess I was noticed while doing that!

In what ways is playing saxophone complementary to your academic career?

The biggest influence of music on my academic career is that I feel I would not be doing it at all without it! I had no intention of going for PhD studies. I went to university to become a journalist. But over 10 years ago in my first ever university class I had to think about a topic for a media criticism essay. I realized that I have always wondered how they make decisions about music and sound effects in current affairs programmes on TV. Long story short, I learned this topic needs to get attention professionally and academically. Finally I fell in love with my topic and I had to go for a PhD. I think playing an instrument and learning music theory has given me a solid ground on which to build my academic expertise on journalistic sound. I think my history in journalism and music makes me the right person to do my research. But at the same time, I have learned how much there is that I don’t know. The more I read and learn, the more I am aware of the complexity of my topic, sound and voice in journalism.

When I was younger, stage fright was my friend. I was nervous and usually played very badly before the performance. But I had the confidence that I will play on the stage better than ever before, because that happened every time since I was a little pianist. That thought is still part of me sometimes: no matter what, I’ll go and I’ll do and I’ll survive. I’ll go for my thesis, I’ll do my PhD, I’ll do it well.

Is it different now?

For some reason as an adult the nerves got me more and more often. I also have those experiences where my hands shake and my throat is jammed. It feels terrible to stand on a stage like that. I always loved to perform and suddenly I was afraid of it. That, still, is the other part of me. What if I don’t know what to do? What if I fail? Later I realized that the insecurity came when I didn’t have so much time for music. I used to play 2-5 hours per day. I was confident because I knew my stuff. I had worked enough to have the technique and I never had to worry about the interpretation anyway. But you cannot interpret if you have to stress about memorizing the music and getting the notes right. If you are not sure that you can, you get nervous.

I have also been very nervous with academic presentations. I was very surprised about that. I have performed all my life and done live broadcasts on the radio! How come I am stressed by a bunch of people in a conference room? I think the difference is that as a musician, my intention is to honour the music that someone else has made. Of course, the musician is always bare and open for the audience, but I always felt myself to be just a messenger. As a radio journalist I always felt I was there to highlight other people and important matters. I was just a messenger. But presenting my own research work … I think revealing my own thoughts is frightening! What if they think I am totally stupid? What if I never finish my PhD? What if someone comes and invalidates all my arguments?

I am still quite fresh in academia. Maybe later I can achieve similar trust in myself when I stand in front of the audience and think: ‘I’ve got this. I have worked enough.’

And are there perhaps any similarities in those two “adventures”?

Maybe the similarity is that both in music and in academia you will never be ready. There are always new things to learn and you can always look back and think you would do something differently now with the new knowledge and skills. As I am writing this, I just started to think we should appreciate the journey more. Giving a great concert or finally finishing your PhD is a result of so much hard work, mistakes, smaller achievements, bad and good ideas. Sometimes a few twists and bumps are needed to finally get there.

Besides, I have always accepted human error in music. A couple of missed notes are nothing in the big picture. For some reason, accepting a similar room for error is not easy for me in academia. But if you don’t have the guts to try, there will be no music at all.

Another similarity is that I seem to find myself in the margin. I often hear people wondering that they didn’t even know classical saxophone music exists. Now doing a PhD about sound and voice in journalism I am used to being the odd one, too.

Do you find it challenging to combine the two worlds?

Yes, I find it challenging! That is why I play depressingly seldom nowadays. Of course it would be easier to give time for music while doing a PhD if I didn’t have a family with three kids or if I didn’t work as a journalist for a few days each month. It is more than a year ago since I performed.

I have been a bit of an ‘all or nothing’ type of person when it comes to music. A wind instrument is unbribable in the sense that you can easily lose a sensitive touch to it after a pause. It has been very difficult for me to accept that I know how my playing should sound, but my face muscles do not work to make the tuning nor the timbre as I would like. But even though I am not as good a saxophone player as I used to be, I enjoy playing. And I find it wonderful that the sensitive touch and the trajectory of my fingers always come back. The things I’ve learned are not gone, but hiding somewhere. It has surprised me how good it feels just to blow out a sound, even if it’s not a perfect one. So blowing a few notes is a good way to relieve stress when I need to get out of my papers for a moment.

I have tendency to choose a repertoire that is a bit too difficult. That worked out well when I practiced a lot. I’ve been playing for years mostly saxophone concertos by Alexander Glazunov and Lars-Erik Larsson, and Debussy’s Rhapsody. Sometimes I feel I am going backwards, since I practice so little. Actually, I dreamed that I could play the Glazunov concerto at my post-doctoral party. It seems I have plenty of time until that day arrives, so maybe I could squeeze in some hours for practice before that.

I have had the possibility to interview many musicians as a journalist and I have studied so much more about music and sound for my PhD, that I feel I would be a better musician than before if just I practiced more. I hope I will have the possibility to prove that to myself one day.

Would you recommend doing music to other academics?

Well, that depends whether you like music or not! For me, music is my second language which I have learned since childhood. It has been an important way to express myself and learn who I am.

But I think the most important thing is to do something you love. It is good to do enjoyable things and maybe challenge yourself a bit, too.

I warmly recommend that everyone listen to classical saxophone music. Search for music played by e.g. Claude Delangle, Sigurd Raschèr, Quatuor Ellipsos or Olli-Pekka Tuomisalo and be prepared to get hooked!

Pictures:

Picture 1: This was taken one week before my second child was born. The baritone saxophone is my favourite.

Picture 2: When I wanted to get new pictures for my CV it was obvious to have my saxophone with me. (Credit: maijasofia.fi)

Picture 3: This is what it takes sometimes to combine saxophone playing with kids. Baby number three in front and the baritone saxophone on my back.

Picture 4: Me and my husband playing at my final exam 12 years ago. These moments also are some of my favourite saxophone memories.